’tis true. we can dispute it, I know you do! but especially as women, we ARE our mothers. In ways that are unrecognized by ourselves and yet are prominent in our thoughts, mannerisms and behaviours. (and everyone else sees it!) We fight it. We deny it. We rebel against it. Why? We love our mothers and yet we strive to be the antithesis. A strange way to honor the most influential and important person in our lives.
In my mother’s day, you didn’t wear your “@%&” on your sleeves.
You just kept a stiff upper lip. I really believe there’s something to that.
It kind of goes hand in hand with our more recent explorations of “creating our own reality”. If you live in your own misery, it soon becomes your existence.
drowning in our own dirty water. unchanged. in need of clarity.
there seems to be “nowhere to run, nowhere to hide”. anymore.
we are at the mercy of intrusive onlookers, videobloggers, critics, judgers…no one is given a pass. anymore.
we are subject to abject criticism. we are exposed. and not necessarily truthfully. we are not allowed privacy. anymore.
well, I say NO mOrE. anymore.
I have served a community of individuals for the last 26 years in the art of developing grace. A word associated with ballerinas and dance. A word associated with sensitivity and forgiveness.
If it weren’t for grace, there might not be an option to err and recover from our own flaws and missteps.
Surviving the fallout from our mistakes requires grace. But, it also requires grace received from those who are the recipients of our blunders.
As fallible humans, it is essential to be allowed to err and accept those who err.
It is painful to be discredited for our faults and oversights.
What is that that Matthew said? Judge not lest ye be judged…? Just saying….
So much to say…
First, I had a great revelation at the dishwasher. All of the years that we as parents dread emptying the dishwasher suddenly became an enormous void for me.
As I gazed upon the FULL dishwasher, thinking that I will not be emptying so many drinking glasses or dishes in the present or future, I was struck by the reality that I would soon be an “empty nester” ….I really, really despise that term. I DO have a dog and 2 cats after all…geez…
LIVE. live in the present. ENJOY. enjoy each and every moment. LOVE. love it all – even those moments that appear for all unimaginable reasons to be unloveable. EMBRACE. embrace the now…the people…the moments…it all….
and, that’s all…but again, it’s everything…as I MAY have mentioned before…take heed.
seriously, folks. are we so sick of all of this shit? I mean all of this.
parents who overmanage their offspring, bosses who overmanage their employees, friends who overmanage their friends…
I am sincerely and without regret or apology DONE with the overmanagers.
if you want to do my job, well then, voila! it’s yours.
but , just get the &*$# over it AND yourself. whatever it is.
the parents of children past didn’t worry about whether it was relative to their social “health” (ahem status), they just dropped their kids at point A and picked them up there at the designated time. “what do you want for dinner” and “what time do you have to be at school tomorrow” was sufficient.
BAM. that’s it. that’s all. what??!!
no. there’s no more. faggedaboudit….
It might seem silly. It might seem trite. It might seem irrelevant.
But IT. IS. REAL
THIS is dating today for those of us 50+.
Him: I apologize for the late “Hi”. (2 emojis)
Him; a bit later …”.hereeeee”
Me: Sorry…been pretty busy…(relevant details that an adult faces, children, elderly parents etc) Oh, and I don’t do major Spartan Races, or that sort of thing…It looks like it’s a requirement for a relationship….so…well, I think I’m out!…
Him: All good! Not looking for a partner for Spartan Races, just someone to watch me jump the “fire line” (what the hell is that??)…(OH, [swoon…gag-o-rama])
Him 2 days later: Plans for Saturday?
Me: How are you?
Him: You seem too busy …I’ve asked you questions and and all you say is how are you…what gives?
Me: I was actually driving [and quickly responded to apease you] (In my head I said that)….. But I wanted to answer your questions. I am a very busy person, but isn’t that better than someone who is completely bored with their life…and has nothing else to focus on??? I have exciting projects coming up!
Him: I’m excited for you…but seriously, I’m busy too..no excuses. You only communicate every 3 days and most men expect you to communicate every day. At least to find out how we are…When would you find time to be with me? Why are you even on this site? You don’t even have time for a relationship!…Unless of course you are only seeking a physical relationship….I’m just as busy as you are…Don’t say it isn’t so. just saying. It only takes a minute to (declare your undying love-give me a f’ing break) say hello…or to ask how was your day…
Me: (Nothing…cuz at this point, and for real before that, I am SOOOO done.)
Him: I am no longer interested.
I don’t think he even realized that by saying he wasn’t interested (after I ignored him), that he was ACTUALLY saying he was interested….hahhaahahhaahahahahaha
Like I give a F@%*
6 degrees of Carol’s bacon-separation…
I swear, it seems over the years, that there isn’t anyone that doesn’t know someone that knows someone who knows someone who I know and who knows me and who either loves, likes or hates me and who I either love, like or hate. Take a breath…seriously.
Ironically, or not, I despise bacon as such. Not THE Kevin Bacon, you understand. The smell, the taste, the name…just everything about bacon, but my life resembles the BACON PRINCIPLE.
It’s a tad terrifying. Is that a sign? I think not. Bacon is not the metaphor for my comparison. But the Bacon Principle alone. And, I am pretty sure I almost stand alone in my dislike and almost hatred of the fried and cured pig.
When you live in a place for a great number of years, and you have a business that connects people through its association, you will, inevitably, know someone who knows someone…well, you know…
In closing, my statement is:
We are not alone. We are not singular. We are not anonymous. We are here. We are real. We are seen, loved, known, forgotten, ignored, dismissed, admired, judged, envied, belied, abused, revered, praised, exhausted…and so on…
That’s all. and that’s everything.
Does anybody really care
If so I can’t imagine why
We’ve all got time enough to cry
Seriously, a contemplation…
It’s time. It’s been time for awhile. I started 14 years ago with my book…and it IS TIME
IT IS TIME! But, you know, I have way more material now, and frankly, it is good. I will certainly be exposed. I will probably offend people. I will also engage people. People who have shared my experiences. It will be glorious. But, at last I will be free and true to it all. And, those of you who love it will know exactly what I mean. I am actually excited about something passionately for the first time in over 10 years.
This is excellent.
It has seemed to me that everyone else is allowed to be exactly who they are without criticism, without judgement, without contrition. Perhaps, it’s my own self doubt and judgement that has restricted my ability to be exactly as I am to all people. I am ready. It’s like a baptism, like a communion, like a ceremony, like no other freedom that I have known. EVER. And, I. AM. READY. And as frightening as this seems, it is also exhilarating. I might end up friendless, and I might not. If I am, I will know that all my relationships are conditional, and THAT is a thought I don’t wish to own. Knowing and learning about all kinds of people is what I have done for over 3o years in my professional life. Without acceptance of the various individuals that have crossed my path and that I have shared numerous hours with, I would not have survived. It doesn’t make me exceptional, just accepting. And with the political climate as it is, it has been difficult at best (to say the least).
My only hope is that others can truly accept me exactly as I am, in the way that I am expected to accept them. Hope springs eternal? I hope so….