Bye, bitch
It’s the first thing to come to mind. It is the theme of the day.
The expression represents so many things: people, places, things, situations, actions, all of it.
Bye, bitch.
perspective
It’s not over until…well, probably never, actually
Work is never really over…when you’re self employed
When you are self employed, taking time to do anything that is not relevant to your work, your life’s ambition, etc, is, quite frankly, a giant guilt trip. Especially if you are in financially challenged business, like the arts, for example (ahem).
I don’t know about you, you other self employed people, but, I get up and get to work at the crack of dawn every single day and throughout the day, and, even on what would seemingly be a “day off”…
I:
-Think of work
-Do work
-Prepare for work
-Decide when and what I am going to do for work when I am supposed to actually be working
-Actually work (don’t know how that is different than any of the above, but whatever)
-Then do that supposedly “actual” work
I am exhausted thinking about it. But, I do it.
I do it because I can’t NOT do it.
The entrepeneur’s theme song.
In pieces…
It’s unfathomable for some to know, to relate, to discern the pain of others.
Pain is manifested in many different ways for each individual, and, the breaking point is not always evident until it is. Those of us who appear to be the most confident, the strongest, the most together, if you will, are most often the first to be called out, and ostracized when that break happens.
Our fragility is hidden. Our weaknesses carefully guarded and hiding down deep in our painful refuge of sadness. Guilty for feeling helpless, and fearing that revelation of these darknesses will result in an avalanche of desertion by everyone around us. It’s as if our imperfect actions, and behaviors are open to severe criticism as if somehow we capably strong people can take it. Because we are grossly aware of our flaws and self magnify those imperfections, to have them put on stage is like death. So,
You don’t know where that tipping point begins and where it ends…you don’t know.
If you only knew…
- how your life would be different someday
- that you might not appreciate the freedom you currently have until you don’t have it on a daily basis
- that you will someday be “older”…your skin will change, your body will betray you, you may not sleep as well, you might not see or hear as well, and not remember as much
- that you may be a caregiver for a family member
- that you will learn to be alone well
- that you will learn to deal with isolation
- that self care is absolutely essential and primary to the care of your loved ones AND yourself
- that you MUST continue as much of your ‘normal’ life while in your new role in life
- that you MUST choose to be peaceful, happy and making choices that benefit your life…daily
- that you matter and that others really do not know what you are dealing with in your life
- that you do not always know what others are dealing with in their lives
- that you are not the center of the universe…but…
- that you DO matter
- that your needs are important
- be wise and choose wisely
- that it’s okay to ask for help
- that you can have a “you” day and you must…
And, it’s perfectly acceptable to say “no” to the excessive demands that prevail in the world around you because you simply cannot do everything all the time.
DO NOT allow others to predicate your existence, to usurp your joy, your energy, your self respect, your choices, to disrespect your choices, and not ask permission to invade your life.
Decades of life teaches you so many things, but you should not have to wait until you are almost dead to find these things out.
Own your livelihood, without possessing and presenting entitlement.
Be humble and kind.
But, own yourself. And, if you’ve suffered the indecencies of others, stop it! now!
Be “mad as hell, and don’t take it any longer”
WORD
Best…
What’s best, you ask? How the hell do I know? Does anyone know?
Probably not, but somehow we keep making choices based on “what’s best…” for ourselves, our children, our parents, our friends…everyone.
Damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. It REALLY is true. And to be too sensitive to what everyone else thinks that you “should” have done for yourself or them just keeps you in a state of doubt, discomfort, angst, and question interminably.
That is no way to live…and I want to be clear though. Merriam Webster’s no. 2 definition of BEST is this:
: most productive of good : offering or producing the greatest advantage, utility, or satisfaction. What is the best thing to do?
When we give our “best” advice or opinion, especially to and for those we love, it is usually because we love them.
that’s all…
truth
Artists:
so many mediums, aspects, genres, styles, designs, plots, inspirations, ideas, creations, emotions, scripts, presentations, performances, showings… and on, and on…
like our sexuality, it is not a choice. we are artists. and, no, we do not need your approval to be this, to do this, to live this.
WE. ARE. THIS. unlike so many professions, we ARE our artistry.
it is life, breath, it is existence. period. and, it is, at times, many…many…many…times very painful.
the criticism, skepticism, and, well, disdain for the lack of financial security related to our artistry, by others, for our supposedly ‘chosen’ path, to create the very amazing, mind-stretching and brilliant works that entertain everyone else who can afford to enjoy our art, is sad, insulting, mind-boggling and shameful. even those who love us, like us, tell us we are “talented, wonderful, even geniuses” are not fully “in”. ‘gosh, you are so smart, you would be so good at…(fill in the blank)’.
thank god, we don’t give a shit if ANYONE likes what we create and have the fucking balls to expose to everyone on a regular basis. some see it as bravery, others say crazy.
we have no choice.
creation is innate and raw, and contrived, and self-imposing, and selfish, and lovely, and selfless, and necessary…it is necessary to those who create, and especially for those who are the recipients of the creation. you need us. you do. and, as such, should be compensated fairly for our necessity. but, guess what? when we are not, we keep on. because…we must…and because it is a love so insistent. because.
just because…
love you long time…
Do you have a situation that requires great decisions and reflections? A situation that feels like it will never be resolved and, more importantly, a situation that feels like it is uniquely yours that no one else could possibly relate to….???
Of course, you do. You are human. And it sucks a whole f’ing lot of the time. And you wonder…”Am I the only one who…(fill in the blank)?” No, you definitely are not.
But, that doesn’t make your situation unimportant. In fact, it makes it perfectly relevant.
Why? because, believe it or not, we all relate. Someway, somehow. We are all dealing with S#$t, and we all have to go to work, take care of children, take care of our parents, do a job we hate, do chores we dislike and work with people we might not necessarily choose to work with….Damn it, just take care of f’ing everything!
IT. IS. HARD. PERIOD.
And, you know what? we have to keep doing it. Just like our great-grandparents did. Like our grandparents did. And, maybe our parents. Keeping a stiff upper lip isn’t necessarily bad. Wearing our crap on our sleeves all the damn time, is heavy. It is counterproductive. It is useless. How does it aid in solving our personal crimes, our maladies, our misgivings? It doesn’t. Because, as my daughter might say, most people only care about themselves.
Does that hurt? Too bad. Because it’s true. Most people only think about how almost everything relates to them. Their pain, their joy, their heartaches, their victories. YUP. True. All of it true. We like to think that others are concerned with our well being. Some are, but most are not. We are all self-consumed. The truth is difficult.
Take some time to love YOU, and you will be amazed at your ability to reach beyond yourself to love others and genuinely care about them. And, maybe, just maybe, all of that S#$T might be bearable…My experience is that, yes, being selfless yields positive results…Just saying…
Perserverance
“Steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.”
Oh, just as I thought…I am definitely going to claim that moniker!
And, I AM successful…always have been.
However, for many years, I didn’t know it or believe it, because I was allowing others to define that success for me.
Well, no more!
I am owning every morsel, every inch of that success.
Every minute, hour, day, month, and year that I trudged uphill in search of my success.
Every tear, every painful criticism along the way.
Every moment of fear, of fearlessness.
Every feeling of joy, and pride.
Everything.
All of it.
I own it.
Steadfast I am.
Successful I am.
I am…
Perserverance.
yea, right…
so, in my mind, i’ve written many articles with many topics, and yet, I see here that it is not true. i want to blog, to write about my many daily experiences. i want to have time to jot down these meanderings. and then i don’t. i don’t get to, that is.
have you seen the lion king? the circle of life thing, and all…? well, there’s no mystery in that scene. if you are still alive at 50 and are gifted with knowing others who are and still others who are close to twice that, then you know that not a hell of a lot is new. just renewed. we aren’t the inventors. we are the re-creators, the re-inventers. someone else most certainly did it first. but the revival, the reinvention is the new part especially for those who are unaware of the inception or introduction of whatever it is that they think is new. so, yea, right…that’s new…for anyone who is learning of anything for the first time. not to be undervalued.
suffocation
The hot, hot summers of Texas present this possibility.
Suffocation.
Life, also, presents this in many scenarios.
Grasping for oxygen, we struggle for breath.
For sanity and legitimacy.
Suddenly revived, anticipating the next breathless encounter…
suf·fo·ca·tion
ˌsəfəˈkāSH(ə)n/
noun
the state or process of dying from being deprived of air or unable to breathe.
-
difficulty in breathing.
-
a feeling of being trapped and oppressed.
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