In pieces…

It’s unfathomable for some to know, to relate, to discern the pain of others.

Pain is manifested in many different ways for each individual, and, the breaking point is not always evident until it is.  Those of us who appear to be the most confident, the strongest, the most together, if you will, are most often the first to be called out, and ostracized when that break happens.

Our fragility is hidden.  Our weaknesses carefully guarded and hiding down deep in our painful refuge of sadness.  Guilty for feeling helpless, and fearing that revelation of these darknesses will result in an avalanche of desertion by everyone around us.  It’s as if our imperfect actions, and behaviors are open to severe criticism as if somehow we capably strong people can take it. Because we are grossly aware of our flaws and self magnify those imperfections, to have them put on stage is like death. So,

You don’t know where that tipping point begins and where it ends…you don’t know.

If you only knew…

  • how your life would be different someday
  • that you might not appreciate the freedom you currently have until you don’t have it on a daily basis
  • that you will someday be “older”…your skin will change, your body will betray you, you may not sleep as well, you might not see or hear as well, and not remember as much
  • that you may be a caregiver for a family member
  • that you will learn to be alone well
  • that you will learn to deal with isolation
  • that self care is absolutely essential and primary to the care of your loved ones AND yourself
  • that you MUST continue as much of your ‘normal’ life while in your new role in life
  • that you MUST choose to be peaceful, happy and making choices that benefit your life…daily
  • that you matter and that others really do not know what you are dealing with in your life
  • that you do not always know what others are dealing with in their lives
  • that you are not the center of the universe…but…
  • that you DO matter
  • that your needs are important
  • be wise and choose wisely
  • that it’s okay to ask for help
  • that you can have a “you” day and you must…

And, it’s perfectly acceptable to say “no” to the excessive demands that prevail in the world around you because you simply cannot do everything all the time.

DO NOT allow others to predicate your existence, to usurp your joy, your energy, your self respect, your choices, to disrespect your choices, and not ask permission to invade your life.

Decades of life teaches you so many things, but you should not have to wait until you are almost dead to find these things out.

Own your livelihood, without possessing  and presenting entitlement.

Be humble and kind.

But, own yourself. And, if you’ve suffered the indecencies of others, stop it! now!

Be “mad as hell, and don’t take it any longer”

WORD

Best…

What’s best, you ask?  How the hell do I know? Does anyone know?

Probably not, but somehow we keep making choices based on “what’s best…” for ourselves, our children, our parents, our friends…everyone.

Damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.  It REALLY is true. And to be too sensitive to what everyone else thinks that you “should” have done for yourself or them just keeps you in a state of doubt, discomfort, angst, and question interminably.

That is no way to live…and I want to be clear though.  Merriam Webster’s no. 2 definition of BEST is this:

most productive of good offering or producing the greatest advantage, utility, or satisfaction.   What is the best thing to do?

When we give our “best” advice or opinion, especially to and for those we love, it is usually because we love them.

that’s all…

truth

Artists:

so many mediums, aspects, genres, styles, designs, plots, inspirations, ideas, creations, emotions, scripts, presentations, performances, showings…                                                 and on, and on…

like our sexuality, it is not a choice. we are artists.                                                                  and, no, we do not need your approval to be this, to do this, to live this.

WE. ARE. THIS.  unlike so many professions, we ARE our artistry.

it is life, breath, it is existence. period. and, it is, at times, many…many…many…times very painful.

the criticism, skepticism, and, well, disdain for the lack of financial security related to our artistry, by others, for our supposedly ‘chosen’ path, to create the very amazing, mind-stretching and brilliant works that entertain everyone else who can afford to enjoy our art, is sad, insulting, mind-boggling and shameful.                                                         even those who love us, like us, tell us we are “talented, wonderful, even geniuses” are not fully “in”. ‘gosh, you are so smart, you would be so good at…(fill in the blank)’.

thank god, we don’t give a shit if ANYONE likes what we create and have the fucking balls to expose to everyone on a regular basis. some see it as bravery, others say crazy.

we have no choice.

creation is innate and raw, and contrived, and self-imposing, and selfish, and lovely, and selfless, and necessary…it is necessary to those who create, and especially for those who are the recipients of the creation. you need us. you do. and, as such, should be compensated fairly for our necessity. but, guess what? when we are not, we keep on.       because…we must…and because it is a love so insistent. because.

just because…

Perserverance

“Steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.”
Oh, just as I thought…I am definitely going to claim that moniker!
And, I AM successful…always have been.
However, for many years, I didn’t know it or believe it, because I was allowing others to define that success for me.
Well, no more!
I am owning every morsel, every inch of that success.
Every minute, hour, day, month, and year that I trudged uphill in search of my success.
Every tear, every painful criticism along the way.
Every moment of fear, of fearlessness.
Every feeling of joy, and pride.
Everything.
All of it.
I own it.
Steadfast I am.
Successful I am.
I am…
Perserverance.

bye..

Yesterday is yesterday.    And it was great! (mostly)

Today is today. And it’s great too! (mostly)

But, tomorrow is what I look forward to at the end of each today.

I know that each tomorrow is an opportunity to get it right and to make a change or a difference in my life and in others.

Walk through that door of yesterday and today’s yesterday and make tomorrow your next great today.

That’s my plan…

square peg, round hole

Do you know the old saying
“You can’t fit a square peg into a round hole?”
It has many inferences.
And, it is important to be intuitive enough to know when things are being forced to happen and when you need to follow the lines in the sand and stay on track. The wind will continue to try to blow you backward when you know that you MUST follow the lines and move forward.
Because it the right thing to do.

Sometimes moving forward doesn’t mean something new. It may mean moving forward where you are in that place that is stagnant presently. As oppositional as that sounds, it makes perfect sense. Sometimes the universe sends us signals that we ignore. Why? Well, think of how many times you’ve abandoned a project because: A. you forgot about it. B. You got frustrated with it. C. You got bored of it. D. It was too hard…
Well, as with most things in this life, unresolved projects, situations, relationships, don’t go away.

So, here I am saying, “Okay, universe, help me finish this project. I’ve never given up. Oh, yes, I’ve lost hope/faith, whatever, soooo many times, but I’ve never given up. Now I need your help, your guidance to complete this project and to make it whole. To manifest its intentions to the fullest”

And, with that said. The intention is now in full motion.
Are YOU on board?

We are our mothers…

’tis true. we can dispute it, I know you do! but especially as women, we ARE our mothers. In ways that are unrecognized by ourselves and yet are prominent in our thoughts, mannerisms and behaviours. (and everyone else sees it!) We fight it. We deny it. We rebel against it. Why? We love our mothers and yet we strive to be the antithesis. A strange way to honor the most influential and important person in our lives.

Does it need explaining?

In my mother’s day, you didn’t wear your “@%&” on your sleeves.

You just kept a stiff upper lip. I really believe there’s something to that.

It kind of goes hand in hand with our more recent explorations of “creating our own reality”.  If you live in your own misery, it soon becomes your existence.

that’s all…

In a fishbowl, we are

glug, glug

drowning in our own dirty water. unchanged. in need of clarity.

there seems to be “nowhere to run, nowhere to hide”.                                                  anymore.

we are at the mercy of intrusive onlookers, videobloggers, critics, judgers…no one is given a pass.                                                                                                                            anymore.

we are subject to abject criticism. we are exposed. and not necessarily truthfully.    we are not allowed privacy.                                                                                                        anymore.

well, I say NO mOrE.                                                                                                              anymore.