Bye, bitch
It’s the first thing to come to mind. It is the theme of the day.
The expression represents so many things: people, places, things, situations, actions, all of it.
Bye, bitch.
grace
It’s not over until…well, probably never, actually
Work is never really over…when you’re self employed
When you are self employed, taking time to do anything that is not relevant to your work, your life’s ambition, etc, is, quite frankly, a giant guilt trip. Especially if you are in financially challenged business, like the arts, for example (ahem).
I don’t know about you, you other self employed people, but, I get up and get to work at the crack of dawn every single day and throughout the day, and, even on what would seemingly be a “day off”…
I:
-Think of work
-Do work
-Prepare for work
-Decide when and what I am going to do for work when I am supposed to actually be working
-Actually work (don’t know how that is different than any of the above, but whatever)
-Then do that supposedly “actual” work
I am exhausted thinking about it. But, I do it.
I do it because I can’t NOT do it.
The entrepeneur’s theme song.
absence
I’ve been absent recently. Haven’t we all? Absence is requisite these days. It’s essential to life.
But, absence of self is not the intention. The purposeful and social absence we are experiencing has shown us the importance of distancing from the pressures we have created for ourselves. For the first time since my mother inhabited this neighborhood where I now live, have I known that my neighbors have children, cars, animals…it’s eerily reminiscent of decades prior. Times when we played outside until the sun went down, and hung out in the driveway with family.
This is clearly a self intentioned moment in time. A time to reflect and be peaceful and to relinquish the “must dos” and the “I really shoulds”, and instead to allow oneself permission to simply be.
Absence. Yes, I am absent today. I am not ill. I am not skipping out. I am just absent.
And, it is really, really, really, ok…
In pieces…
It’s unfathomable for some to know, to relate, to discern the pain of others.
Pain is manifested in many different ways for each individual, and, the breaking point is not always evident until it is. Those of us who appear to be the most confident, the strongest, the most together, if you will, are most often the first to be called out, and ostracized when that break happens.
Our fragility is hidden. Our weaknesses carefully guarded and hiding down deep in our painful refuge of sadness. Guilty for feeling helpless, and fearing that revelation of these darknesses will result in an avalanche of desertion by everyone around us. It’s as if our imperfect actions, and behaviors are open to severe criticism as if somehow we capably strong people can take it. Because we are grossly aware of our flaws and self magnify those imperfections, to have them put on stage is like death. So,
You don’t know where that tipping point begins and where it ends…you don’t know.
truth
Artists:
so many mediums, aspects, genres, styles, designs, plots, inspirations, ideas, creations, emotions, scripts, presentations, performances, showings… and on, and on…
like our sexuality, it is not a choice. we are artists. and, no, we do not need your approval to be this, to do this, to live this.
WE. ARE. THIS. unlike so many professions, we ARE our artistry.
it is life, breath, it is existence. period. and, it is, at times, many…many…many…times very painful.
the criticism, skepticism, and, well, disdain for the lack of financial security related to our artistry, by others, for our supposedly ‘chosen’ path, to create the very amazing, mind-stretching and brilliant works that entertain everyone else who can afford to enjoy our art, is sad, insulting, mind-boggling and shameful. even those who love us, like us, tell us we are “talented, wonderful, even geniuses” are not fully “in”. ‘gosh, you are so smart, you would be so good at…(fill in the blank)’.
thank god, we don’t give a shit if ANYONE likes what we create and have the fucking balls to expose to everyone on a regular basis. some see it as bravery, others say crazy.
we have no choice.
creation is innate and raw, and contrived, and self-imposing, and selfish, and lovely, and selfless, and necessary…it is necessary to those who create, and especially for those who are the recipients of the creation. you need us. you do. and, as such, should be compensated fairly for our necessity. but, guess what? when we are not, we keep on. because…we must…and because it is a love so insistent. because.
just because…
love you long time…
Do you have a situation that requires great decisions and reflections? A situation that feels like it will never be resolved and, more importantly, a situation that feels like it is uniquely yours that no one else could possibly relate to….???
Of course, you do. You are human. And it sucks a whole f’ing lot of the time. And you wonder…”Am I the only one who…(fill in the blank)?” No, you definitely are not.
But, that doesn’t make your situation unimportant. In fact, it makes it perfectly relevant.
Why? because, believe it or not, we all relate. Someway, somehow. We are all dealing with S#$t, and we all have to go to work, take care of children, take care of our parents, do a job we hate, do chores we dislike and work with people we might not necessarily choose to work with….Damn it, just take care of f’ing everything!
IT. IS. HARD. PERIOD.
And, you know what? we have to keep doing it. Just like our great-grandparents did. Like our grandparents did. And, maybe our parents. Keeping a stiff upper lip isn’t necessarily bad. Wearing our crap on our sleeves all the damn time, is heavy. It is counterproductive. It is useless. How does it aid in solving our personal crimes, our maladies, our misgivings? It doesn’t. Because, as my daughter might say, most people only care about themselves.
Does that hurt? Too bad. Because it’s true. Most people only think about how almost everything relates to them. Their pain, their joy, their heartaches, their victories. YUP. True. All of it true. We like to think that others are concerned with our well being. Some are, but most are not. We are all self-consumed. The truth is difficult.
Take some time to love YOU, and you will be amazed at your ability to reach beyond yourself to love others and genuinely care about them. And, maybe, just maybe, all of that S#$T might be bearable…My experience is that, yes, being selfless yields positive results…Just saying…
Perserverance
“Steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.”
Oh, just as I thought…I am definitely going to claim that moniker!
And, I AM successful…always have been.
However, for many years, I didn’t know it or believe it, because I was allowing others to define that success for me.
Well, no more!
I am owning every morsel, every inch of that success.
Every minute, hour, day, month, and year that I trudged uphill in search of my success.
Every tear, every painful criticism along the way.
Every moment of fear, of fearlessness.
Every feeling of joy, and pride.
Everything.
All of it.
I own it.
Steadfast I am.
Successful I am.
I am…
Perserverance.
square peg, round hole
Do you know the old saying
“You can’t fit a square peg into a round hole?”
It has many inferences.
And, it is important to be intuitive enough to know when things are being forced to happen and when you need to follow the lines in the sand and stay on track. The wind will continue to try to blow you backward when you know that you MUST follow the lines and move forward.
Because it the right thing to do.
Sometimes moving forward doesn’t mean something new. It may mean moving forward where you are in that place that is stagnant presently. As oppositional as that sounds, it makes perfect sense. Sometimes the universe sends us signals that we ignore. Why? Well, think of how many times you’ve abandoned a project because: A. you forgot about it. B. You got frustrated with it. C. You got bored of it. D. It was too hard…
Well, as with most things in this life, unresolved projects, situations, relationships, don’t go away.
So, here I am saying, “Okay, universe, help me finish this project. I’ve never given up. Oh, yes, I’ve lost hope/faith, whatever, soooo many times, but I’ve never given up. Now I need your help, your guidance to complete this project and to make it whole. To manifest its intentions to the fullest”
And, with that said. The intention is now in full motion.
Are YOU on board?
We are our mothers…
’tis true. we can dispute it, I know you do! but especially as women, we ARE our mothers. In ways that are unrecognized by ourselves and yet are prominent in our thoughts, mannerisms and behaviours. (and everyone else sees it!) We fight it. We deny it. We rebel against it. Why? We love our mothers and yet we strive to be the antithesis. A strange way to honor the most influential and important person in our lives.
grAce
I have served a community of individuals for the last 26 years in the art of developing grace. A word associated with ballerinas and dance. A word associated with sensitivity and forgiveness.
If it weren’t for grace, there might not be an option to err and recover from our own flaws and missteps.
Surviving the fallout from our mistakes requires grace. But, it also requires grace received from those who are the recipients of our blunders.
As fallible humans, it is essential to be allowed to err and accept those who err.
With grace.
It is painful to be discredited for our faults and oversights.
What is that that Matthew said? Judge not lest ye be judged…? Just saying….
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