In pieces…

It’s unfathomable for some to know, to relate, to discern the pain of others.

Pain is manifested in many different ways for each individual, and, the breaking point is not always evident until it is.  Those of us who appear to be the most confident, the strongest, the most together, if you will, are most often the first to be called out, and ostracized when that break happens.

Our fragility is hidden.  Our weaknesses carefully guarded and hiding down deep in our painful refuge of sadness.  Guilty for feeling helpless, and fearing that revelation of these darknesses will result in an avalanche of desertion by everyone around us.  It’s as if our imperfect actions, and behaviors are open to severe criticism as if somehow we capably strong people can take it. Because we are grossly aware of our flaws and self magnify those imperfections, to have them put on stage is like death. So,

You don’t know where that tipping point begins and where it ends…you don’t know.

If you only knew…

  • how your life would be different someday
  • that you might not appreciate the freedom you currently have until you don’t have it on a daily basis
  • that you will someday be “older”…your skin will change, your body will betray you, you may not sleep as well, you might not see or hear as well, and not remember as much
  • that you may be a caregiver for a family member
  • that you will learn to be alone well
  • that you will learn to deal with isolation
  • that self care is absolutely essential and primary to the care of your loved ones AND yourself
  • that you MUST continue as much of your ‘normal’ life while in your new role in life
  • that you MUST choose to be peaceful, happy and making choices that benefit your life…daily
  • that you matter and that others really do not know what you are dealing with in your life
  • that you do not always know what others are dealing with in their lives
  • that you are not the center of the universe…but…
  • that you DO matter
  • that your needs are important
  • be wise and choose wisely
  • that it’s okay to ask for help
  • that you can have a “you” day and you must…

And, it’s perfectly acceptable to say “no” to the excessive demands that prevail in the world around you because you simply cannot do everything all the time.

DO NOT allow others to predicate your existence, to usurp your joy, your energy, your self respect, your choices, to disrespect your choices, and not ask permission to invade your life.

Decades of life teaches you so many things, but you should not have to wait until you are almost dead to find these things out.

Own your livelihood, without possessing  and presenting entitlement.

Be humble and kind.

But, own yourself. And, if you’ve suffered the indecencies of others, stop it! now!

Be “mad as hell, and don’t take it any longer”

WORD

love you long time…

Do you have a situation that requires great decisions and reflections? A situation that feels like it will never be resolved and, more importantly, a situation that feels like it is uniquely yours that no one else could possibly relate to….???

Of course, you do. You are human. And it sucks a whole f’ing lot of the time. And you wonder…”Am I the only one who…(fill in the blank)?”  No, you definitely are not.

But, that doesn’t make your situation unimportant. In fact, it makes it perfectly relevant.

Why? because, believe it or not, we all relate. Someway, somehow. We are all dealing with S#$t, and we all have to go to work, take care of children, take care of our parents, do a job we hate, do chores we dislike and work with people we might not necessarily choose to work with….Damn it, just take care of f’ing everything!

IT. IS. HARD. PERIOD.

And, you know what? we have to keep doing it. Just like our great-grandparents did. Like our grandparents did. And, maybe our parents. Keeping a stiff upper lip isn’t necessarily bad.  Wearing our crap on our sleeves all the damn time, is heavy. It is counterproductive. It is useless. How does it aid in solving our personal crimes, our maladies, our misgivings? It doesn’t. Because, as my daughter might say, most people only care about themselves.

Does that hurt? Too bad. Because it’s true. Most people only think about how almost everything relates to them. Their pain, their joy, their heartaches, their victories. YUP. True. All of it true. We like to think that others are concerned with our well being. Some are, but most are not. We are all self-consumed.  The truth is difficult.

Take some time to love YOU, and you will be amazed at your ability to reach beyond yourself to love others and genuinely care about them. And, maybe, just maybe, all of that S#$T might be bearable…My experience is that, yes, being selfless yields positive results…Just saying…

 

 

yea, right…

so, in my mind, i’ve written many articles with many topics, and yet, I see here that it is not true. i want to blog, to write about my many daily experiences. i want to have time to jot down these meanderings. and then i don’t. i don’t get to, that is.

have you seen the lion king? the circle of life thing, and all…? well, there’s no mystery in that scene. if you are still alive at 50 and are gifted with knowing others who are and still others who are close to twice that, then you know that not a hell of a lot is new. just renewed. we aren’t the inventors. we are the re-creators, the re-inventers. someone else most certainly did it first. but the revival, the reinvention is the new part especially for those who are unaware of the inception or introduction of whatever it is that they think is new.  so, yea, right…that’s new…for anyone who is learning of anything for the first time.  not to be undervalued.

Does it need explaining?

In my mother’s day, you didn’t wear your “@%&” on your sleeves.

You just kept a stiff upper lip. I really believe there’s something to that.

It kind of goes hand in hand with our more recent explorations of “creating our own reality”.  If you live in your own misery, it soon becomes your existence.

that’s all…

grAce

I have served a community of individuals for the last 26 years in the art of developing grace. A word associated with ballerinas and dance. A word associated with sensitivity and forgiveness. 

If it weren’t for grace, there might not be an option to err and recover from our own flaws and missteps.

Surviving the fallout from our mistakes requires grace. But, it also requires grace received from those who are the recipients of our blunders.

As fallible humans, it is essential to be allowed to err and accept those who err.

With grace. 

It is painful to be discredited for our faults and oversights. 

What is that that Matthew said?  Judge not lest ye be judged…? Just saying….

 

 

ok. yeah….

seriously, folks. are we so sick of all of this shit? I mean all of this.

parents who overmanage their offspring, bosses who overmanage their employees, friends who overmanage their friends…

I am sincerely and without regret or apology DONE with the overmanagers.

if you want to do my job, well then, voila! it’s yours.

but , just get the &*$# over it AND yourself. whatever it is.

the parents of children past didn’t worry about whether it was relative to their social “health” (ahem status), they just dropped their kids at point A and picked them up there at the designated time. “what do you want for dinner” and “what time do you have to be at school tomorrow” was sufficient.

BAM. that’s it. that’s all. what??!!

no. there’s no more. faggedaboudit….

 

Dating Conversation…

It might seem silly.     It might seem trite.    It might seem irrelevant.

But IT. IS. REAL

THIS is dating today for those of us 50+.

Me: Hi

Him: I apologize for the late “Hi”. (2 emojis)

Him;  a bit later …”.hereeeee”

Me: Sorry…been pretty busy…(relevant details that an adult faces, children, elderly parents etc)  Oh, and I don’t do major Spartan Races, or that sort of thing…It looks like it’s a requirement for a relationship….so…well, I think I’m out!…

Him: All good! Not looking for a partner for Spartan Races, just someone to  watch me jump the “fire line” (what the hell is that??)…(OH, [swoon…gag-o-rama])

Him 2 days later: Plans for Saturday?

Me: How are you?

Him: You seem too busy …I’ve asked you questions and and all you say is how are you…what gives?

Me: I was actually driving [and quickly responded to apease you] (In my head I said that)….. But I wanted to answer your questions.  I am a very busy person, but isn’t that better than someone who is completely bored with their life…and has nothing else to focus on??? I have exciting projects coming up!

Him:  I’m excited for you…but seriously, I’m busy too..no excuses.  You only communicate every 3 days and most men expect you to communicate every day. At least to find out how we are…When would you find time to be with me? Why are you even on this site? You don’t even have time for a relationship!…Unless of course you are only seeking a physical relationship….I’m just as busy as you are…Don’t say it isn’t so. just saying. It only takes a minute to (declare your undying love-give me a f’ing break) say hello…or to ask how was your day…

Me: (Nothing…cuz at this point, and for real before that, I am SOOOO done.)

Him: I am no longer interested.

Me: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I don’t think he even realized that by saying he wasn’t interested (after I ignored him), that he was ACTUALLY saying he was interested….hahhaahahhaahahahahaha

Good night…

Like I give a F@%*

 

 

 

Silence is ROTTEN!

SILENCE IS GOLDEN….Keeping one’s mouth shut is a great virtue, as in Don’t tell anyone else about it—silence is golden.   Although this precise phrase was first recorded only in 1848, it is part of a much older proverb, “Speech is silver and silence is golden.”
Yes!!!  because, I seriously don’t want to hear all of the BS most people have to unload.
I think that in the “olden” days people were more discreet and didn’t feel the need to “share” every personal detail of their lives with simply EVERYONE who cared to hear, read or “social-medialize” their information.
And then the flip side of my thoughts prevails…opinion and its validity.
Silencing myself permanently for the sake of peace is like being constipated.
That is the gist.  I’ve “lost” friends for the sake of opinion. Sadly.
It is ironic that those who preach tolerance have lost their sight in terms of practicing tolerance.
I won’t hide anymore. I am me. I am who I am. And that is that. Silence is only golden when preservation is imminent, necessary and prudent. Not out of fear. Period.
Word.

All the world’s a stage…

and all the men and women… and people… and whoever are merely players…

and all of our opinions are like assholes…how does that go?                                        everyone has one and all of them stink?  who knows…I just know that all of this ‘staging’ and ‘posing’ and ‘posturing’ is part of who we are and always has been…

but… as far as entitlements go (and apparently entitlement is an entitlement in todays world), we are definitely entitled to our own opinions, and rightfully so.

i’m not quite sure why opinions are allowed to only those who have them.