Yes, that’s what I said, GETTING MIYAGI-ED. An endearing term administered by my middle child that represents her comprehension of my unsolicited parental advice, which she recognizably accepts as sophic. Can you imagine?! A parent’s dream is to be heard; perceptibly understood. And the cherry on the top is to be given kudos for being the parent that genuinely chose to parent.
Despite my numerous blunders, as a mother, that were politely overlooked by my children, there seems to have been some appreciation for the potential lesson in the mistakes. The most pronounced of these was in my inability to let go. But, the lesson in all of this was my Miyagi-ness. Although unable to move out of my situation based on fear, it was acknowledged that choices were made for the sake of everyone concerned.
And so, you were freed from marital ‘bliss’ and now you’re free again and maybe again and again. Who knows for how long and how many more times you’ll endure this search for your next person. Or maybe you choose to give it a rest and just hang out with your cats and dogs. (You would be wise to do this when your friends stop responding to texts or calls and your therapist is not available…just saying)
But let’s go on to the other uphill trudge you might be facing. A new career. Or maybe you are just now exploring the workforce for the first time since your exodus from your previous life. Wow! and I mean wow. Besides the obvious surge in technological advances, which you might not be familiar with, the infusion of millennials in the office place has clearly altered the professional culture of business. They don’t like to talk to you face to face. They text, they email, they tweet, they snapchat. They don’t talk – on the phone. They understand everything technical and simply cannot comprehend your lack of knowledge in this area. They are fast. At everything. You’re thinking to yourself, “they think I’m really old…”
But, guess what you have that they don’t? History. History = Knowledge. A different kind of knowledge that actually includes interaction with other humans. I know! right? that’s amazing! Use it to your advantage. You are valuable for the knowledge you possess. You were actually alive during the era of Nixon and Carter and Reagan. They only read about it in their textbooks. You actually WERE there in the 80’s so that at themed parties your costume is legit. (the best era yet!) Bam! You’ve got this!
Whatever it is that you pursue, make it real, make it you, make it your life’s purpose. As you may have surmised from your exit of that ‘forever relationship thing’ you did before, NOTHING is forever. Nothing. My career has spanned almost 3 decades and despite it’s probability of survival, it has. And much to my surprise, my ex-husband and just about everyone who has journeyed this passion with me, it has survived the holocaust of emotions, financial sinkholes and physical uprooting of my life.
Dear everyone out there who is in a relationship, has been in a relationship or is currently getting out of a relationship,
Websters definition of a relationship goes like this:
: the state of being related or interrelated <studied the relationship between the variables
: the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: such as
a : kinship
b : a specific instance or type of kinship
a : a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings <had a good relationship with his family
b : a romantic or passionate attachment
Whether you are in a platonic relationship or a romantic one, I implore you to observe some obvious civilities in assuming this kinship and it’s dismissal if it is the case.
“Ghosting”, the new way to exit a relationship, is, above all, disrespectful.
Equally justifiable definitions include cowardly, cruel, painful, sad, lazy, selfish, unkind and many, many other interpretations.
In this current world of complicit unrest and division, it is my concern that it has become too easy to just step away from unpleasant situations and/or not address them with courtesy.
What happened to being human and respecting each other. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Wasn’t that what we learned as children? What happened to self respect, dignity and truth? What happenend to compassion, appreciation, and recognition of another person’s feelings? Where have we gone wrong in teaching sensitivity?
From experience, I know that the pain incurred from this type of silent assault is deep. “Walk a mile in my shoes…” “See how it feels when the shoe is on the other foot…”. Fear of rejection exists for both parties. Even if you are the rejector. But, for god’s sake, be real, be true and be mature.
Tonight I want to talk about success. Not as it relates to monetary acquisition but more as it relates to emotional and spiritual acquisition.
So, you ask ? “what exactly do you mean?”
Personal success for me has been centered around the intangible gratification of my artistic contributions. Yes, I have been paid…sporadically and inconsistently for my work. But, that has been inconsequential to my well being. I have certainly, and morosely, over obsessed about the lack of financial infusion to my bank accounts, but that has not pre determined my dedication to the project at hand. Each year that passes, I consider the fact that I have not contributed to a 401(k) or some other pre-destined retirement plan. I wonder if I should be really worried…and then, I forget that I thought about it at all.
My point is that success is determined by those who own it.